Ludite.

Good lord, I am tired. But then, when am I not? The last few days I have been dreadfully busy doing things like window shopping for computers, hanging in the Jewish Ghetto, dressing up like a slut for Halloween (early, I know, but any chance to dress like a slut...) spending time with my sick Momma, and of course, napping. All-important napping.
     Allow me to expand on a few things. Hanging in the Jewish Ghetto involved helping my friend move to her new abode (♫ In The Ghettooooo ♫) and cleaning the teeny tiny & slightly grubby kitchen she was hoping to use that day. Not such a pleasant task, but I do love her. I am also pretty good at unpacking and making an empty shell look like a cosy home. In the 40 minutes I was left alone on Saturday morning I had her living room in order and pretty cosied up. She pays me in food and wine so it's all good.
     The Halloween bit was fun. I dressed as Miss Hannigan from 'Annie', dying my hair ginger and going out in lingerie and little more, with bad make up and messy hair. This made the preparation stupidly simple, thankfully, as I had my friends make-up to do as 'The Other Mother'. The worst part of the evening was putting bendy rubber roller things in my hair. They hurt like a bitch! Why do we women do this shit to ourselves?! Christ, with every turn, twist and tweak to get the damn things in place I was pulling faces like an anally abused badger being stabbed in the ear! Jeeeesus. I have said this before, and I reiterate. Never again. Those things are the devil! Give me tongs or a curling wand any day, even if I burn my fingertips every time without fail. I would rather have no fingertips than a patchy scalp...
     To go off on a tangent a little, a friend and I were talking today about the vanities involved in illness. For example, were you to lose your hair, would you wear a wig, headscarf, or similar? My friend said she would go down the route of the most hilarious option possible and buy a serious of ludicrously ugly wigs, scarves and hats, but go about bald most of the time anyway just to f*ck people off. Personally I KNOW I would look terrible bald, I have a big fat round head which neither fits nor suits hats, so I would buy EVERY colour of wig available to me and revel in the knowledge that I was avoiding the faff and fuss of hairdye. Et voila! Silver lining found...
     So anyway, back to my original point, which was telling you about the last few days I have spent entertaining myself Kitten free.
     I've been window shopping for a Netbook, and my friend Simon took me (as he is a technology fiend and lives in a flat which resembles Darth Vaders toilet) to a local retail park for a look see. I learned these things:
* I am a ludite.
* Simon doesn't like being called a 'rapey b*astard', especially when in response to threatening me with confectionary.
* Attempting to understand technology makes me physically ill. I sh*t you not.

I'm actually serious as well. After a couple of hours shopping, and an hour in Simons flat trying to get my tiny little technophobe mind around his 'set up', I came home feeling weak, exhausted, sick and achey. I am forever being told 'When you have M.E. if you're mentally exhausted it makes you physically ill'. Well, now I have unmitigated proof that I should avoid technology at any costs. It maketh me sick. I do have a tiny bit of understanding, don't get me wrong. I once told my sister to set up her phone as a  portable wifi hotspot and connect her laptop to that, then gave her step by step instructions on how to do so. However, I did not then, nor do I now, have any clue where this knowledge came from. Maybe aliens at some time took a liking to me, probed me, and in return ejaculated fountains of arbitrary information into my brain at such a level that I was oblivious to its existence until such a time as it was necessary. Who knows, but it's nice to know that I could tell the staff at Currys this little tale so they would not think me completely ridiculous. Because of course I did have to tell them. So they wouldn't think I'm completely ridiculous... Oh god just shoot me...