A-Z

Why in the movies do they kiss like they don't know where the other persons mouth is? They don't just go in for the kill like most often happens in 'real life'. They always seem to nose bang and fumble around each others countenance with a duckface to end all duckfaces, seemingly having never been in this situation before. I mean, come on, you could kiss a dog better than that! Monkeys make affection look easier than say, Reece Whitherspoon or Colin Firth. If it were 'real life' I'm pretty sure they would just dive in like a swooping eagle and ram the tongue down that throat! (In fact I know a bloke who did exactly this quite recently and my poor best friend was subsequently 'violated in the face'. Social drinking and misunderstandings lead to such things unfortunately.)
Last time I was kissed it was a drunk throwing himself at me in a startling manner. It was unexpected and unsolicited, which was unfortunate as I was sort of seeing him at the time...
Which leads my train of thought to this: How, when, and where would a girl (woman?!) find a decent bloke here about these parts? Seriously, you think you've found an alright one and he's either:
A) A fuckwit;
B) An alcoholic/ drug abuser/ wreck-head of some description;
C) Emotionally inept;
D) A muppet;
E) A nitwit;
F) Homosexual;
G) Spoken for;
H) Dull as dishwater;
I) Mean like The Hulk;
J) Socially deficient;
K) Socially infamous - in the bad way;
L) Dirty - not in the good way;
M) Judgemental/ bigoted/ small minded;
N) A redneck - not in the good way;
O) Ultra chic - not in the good way;
P) A member of NA;
Q) A member of AA;
R) A member of the IRA;
S) A member of the NRA;
T) Has anger management issues;
U) Has intimacy issues;
V) Has an Oedipus Complex;
W) Does not 'Do': single mothers/ people with any infirmity, frailty, disability, etc/ smokers/ drinkers/ Northeners/ larger ladies.
X) Has sexual inhibitions to such an extent it could potentially lead to you developing narcolepsy;
Y) Has narcolepsy;
Z) Is not interested in anyone who is interested in them. (ie me. I frequently go for blokes who fit into one, some or all of the above categories.)

So. As a single mum, with an illness/disability which leaves me currently unable to work, two children to two different fathers, little in the way of material possessions, and generally living the 'Jeremy Kyle Lifestyle', is there hope for me amongst the madness and mayhem, the judgements and preconceived ideas, the dramas and daydreams and dilly dallying of the dating world? Is there a bloke out there who only ticks a few of the boxes above and is wonderful enough for me to see past these and for him to see past my Jeremy Kyle lifestyle?

 I still have hope...